


A Little Panic

by Adm_Hawthorne, Googlemouth



Series: A Little [7]
Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: F/F, Rizzles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-07
Updated: 2012-06-07
Packaged: 2017-11-07 04:09:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/426773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adm_Hawthorne/pseuds/Adm_Hawthorne, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Googlemouth/pseuds/Googlemouth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Follow up to "A Little Diversion" It's time to talk to Angela. Rizzles. Cowritten with Googlemouth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Characters aren't mine. They belong to Tess Gerritsen, Janet Tamaro, Turner Broadcasting, Warner Brothers, and other assorted important people. I gain nothing from writing these stories but the fun of doing it. Please don't sue me.

"Fine, Janie, don't tell us about him!" Detective Korsak called after his former partner as she and Frost departed the precinct together, leaving him to do paperwork and grumble. "Bet you tell Frost, though." Even as he mumbled it, however, Korsak knew Detective Rizzoli much better than that. She wouldn't tell Barry Frost any more than she'd told him about this mystery man with whom both her former and current partners knew darned well she'd spent the weekend. It was bad enough they knew she'd gone out on a date, let alone that it had lasted all weekend.

Or maybe it hadn't. Maybe it had gone poorly and Jane had spent the weekend doing yard work or punching a bag to get her mind off it. Either way, she wasn't going to share any details of her life with the two men, other than her father and brother (or brothers? - Korsak was never certain about Tommy), who loved her most in all the world. He loved her as much as he would love a daughter, but there were limits to the paternal nature of his affection. He could see that she was damned fine, for instance, and it didn't make him itch if she wanted to get hers once in a while. Gone were the days in which a man was expected to get all he could, while a woman was expected to be a virgin on her wedding night.

"Fine, whatever," Korsak sighed to himself as he resumed his desk chair and started drumming up information for the two younger, fitter detectives to chase down. He'd call them if he found anything more interesting and relevant to the case than whatever, or whomever, Jane had been doing for the last three days.

While Korsak stewed with his lack of information, Rizzoli and Frost headed out to interview a witness one more time and see if she could get her story straight. They would probably be making an arrest, if she lied to them one more time. Four separate times, at the very least, should qualify for obstruction of justice, which would let them hold her and search her home for evidence of what both were certain would be there. Jane permitted Frost to drive, which was nearly an unprecedented occasion, but she'd done enough driving the day before. Now she just wanted to sit back and think about all the good things that had happened over the weekend and, if she was honest, fret about what she was going to tell her mother that evening.

No such luck.

"Hey, Rizzoli, you're the navigator. I've never been out to this suburb, so don't steer me wrong." First things first: she had to pay attention to the road.

Jane took the map from him and peered at it, then set it aside. She knew the way. "Turn left up here and go right at the second Starbucks."

He did, and, after a mile or so, Frost asked with a far too casual air, "So, where did you go this weekend?"

"None of your business," Jane shot back, not bothering to move her gaze from the passenger's side window.

"I'm not trying to get all up in your business," replied the slender man as he pulled them out of the parking lot and into traffic. "I'm just saying some of the guys got together to play poker, so we called to see if you wanted in."

"Still none of your business." She nibbled absently at her thumbnail. "This is your turn." He'd almost missed it.

For the rest of the drive, Frost made tiny efforts at incursion, and Jane either ignored them or swatted them down. Barry was getting frustrated. It had begun as a joke, just something to pass the time, but eventually it had begun to bother him that his partner, his _partner_ , didn't trust him enough to share her life with him. He told her when he had dates. He told her when his dad had gone in for kidney stone removal. He told her everything that mattered to him. He trusted her, respected her, looked up to her as a person and not just as a detective. Where was the give and take? He huffed, brooding over the steering wheel.

He couldn't speak to her at the witness's home, nor when she lied to them again could he talk it over as she was being cuffed, nor could he talk to Jane on the way back to the precinct with their recalcitrant witness in the car, nor during the booking phase, nor during the moment at which Korsak had come practically skipping up to them both and announcing that he had broken the case (he had; it was a great day for the big bear of a man).

It was, in fact, nearly quitting time when Frost got another chance to address the matter. "I met a nice girl this weekend," he started conversationally. "You know, I told you some of the guys were going to play poker? We didn't wind up doing it after all. Can't have much of a game with only three guys, so I headed down to the jogging trail. Talked to this girl named Michelle. I think I'm going to call her tonight, see if she wants to go out this weekend. What do you think?"

"I think it's a great idea," replied Jane as she continued to fill out paperwork. She lifted her face just for a moment to give Barry an honest smile, then put the man back in his place as her very _junior_ partner. "I also think you're trying to get information out of me that I already told you was none of your business. Let it go, Frost, before I have to kick your ass for being too nosy." She raised an eyebrow in defiance. "I'll give you all the advice you want about your love life or whatever, but you that doesn't mean you get a free pass with mine. Korsak doesn't even get that. We're not there yet. Got it?"

"Bam! Shot down," Frost replied, miming a shot through the heart and staggering back. He was laughing, and glad to see that she responded appropriately, but he still felt the sting of rejection.

"You got that right. I'll tell you _if_ and when I'm ready to. Now, I need to finish this paperwork up. I have to go see Ma tonight." _God help me._ She turned back to the paperwork on her desk. "Hey, you going down to the morgue before you leave?"

Frost nodded, reaching out for the file he just knew she was going to hand him. "You want me to take something down there for you?" Then again, if she did, he'd know something was up. She always went to the morgue herself, given the choice. If she couldn't even hang out with her best friend without feeling like she couldn't hold a free conversation, this guy must be _really_ special. Or married. He frowned.

"Yeah, would you mind? I _really_ have to get this crap done so I can see Ma on time tonight," she growled. _I'd rather go to the morgue. …that's a weird thought._ "Hey, would you make sure to give this to Maura while you're down there?" She handed him a sealed envelope. It was clearly not the standard issue from the supply closet.

Frost's eyebrow shot up, but he didn't ask. "Sure." Taking the file and envelope, he made for the morgue, confusion swirling in his close-cut head. Once behind the elevator doors, he held the envelope up to the light. Nothing to be seen that way. He sniffed the envelope, feeling a little ridiculous, as the elevator doors opened for him. He walked forward, still sniffing, and crashed right into the Doc herself, between the morgue and elevator doors. "Whoa, Doc! You okay?" He'd let the file and the envelope fall to the floor in favor of catching the girl before she could fall.

Maura gave a little shriek, but because she wasn't actually in danger of falling, the quick grab looked a bit awkward. "Barry, hi. Um. Thank you. Were you coming to see me?" She smiled, letting him know there was no harm done. Both of them bent to pick up the scattered papers from the file.

"Sorry, Dr. Isles. Uh, yeah, Rizzoli wanted me to give you all of this." He scooped up the square envelope and handed that back once all the rest was gathered and deposited in Maura's hands once again. "I don't know who gave her this. There's no address or name or anything." Not necessary to say; she'd have looked at it and seen the lack of external information on the envelope herself. However, her response was quite intriguing.

She tucked the file under one arm, then held the envelope up to the light. "Seventy-pound paper card, goldenrod. Probably bought at Carlton Cards. Sealed lingually rather than by a sponge or stamp. Square, so it's from their Moments selection." She sniffed. "Indirectly scented, and only faintly. Wood notes, citrus undertones." She slid a finger into the card's opening and slit the envelope, then pulled out the card, holding it in such a way as to completely shield the words from Frost's view, which appeared unintentional. Still, since it wasn't, he turned slightly away as she read the card, smiled, and tucked it away again. "Thank you, Barry. I appreciate you bringing me all of this." She was already headed back into the morgue to set down the file, expecting that he would follow.

Which he did, after a moment to steel himself. "You're welcome. Hey, uh... You know, Rizzoli was out of town this weekend."

Maura did not answer; she was preoccupied reorganizing the information in the folder before putting it on her desk. "Mmhm," she finally said, just as a way of acknowledging that the comment was made and she had, at least theoretically, heard it.

"You know anything about that?"

The Doc's eyes flicked towards Barry, and she offered him a distant but pleasant smile. "Her mother's birthday is next week," she said, as if that were relevant in the least. "I believe Jane spoke with someone concerning a gift for her."

The phone ringing made them both jump. Jane's voice came through, unheard by Frost but welcomed by Maura. "Hey, Frost giving you the 3rd degree about our weekend and that envelope?"

Maura's fingers delicately cradled the wall phone as she turned slightly away. "Not yet, but it's only a matter of time," she said, looking through the file as if that were the subject of conversation. Behind her, Frost was only half listening, while the other half of him studiously avoided looking at anything that reminded him he was in a morgue. At least there were no bodies on tables; they were all behind the doors to their drawers. "I'm sure that all will be revealed shortly." One file page turned. "There's a lot of good information here to work through, and the detectives here are very good at sifting through chaff to find relevant material."

"Yeah, I know, which is why I'm seeing Ma for dinner tonight. I was wondering if you'd like to come over after… maybe spend the night?" The detective's voice was uncertain. "You know, don't tell me 'yes' or 'no'. You have a key, and my home is your home. Tell Frost to get his pansy ass back up here. I need him to answer a couple of questions so I can finish this up. Dinner with Ma is going to be a bitch enough without adding being late to that list."

Maura cleared her throat. Answering and speaking as if a stranger were on the line, followed by telling Frost that Rizzoli wanted him upstairs, would not do. She pursed her lips in thought, then smiled as the solution came to her. "One moment, please," she told the phone, then headed for her scrubs cabinet as she brightly asked Barry, "Did you come to observe my next scheduled autopsy?" The man in question turned on his heels and walked, albeit very quickly, out of the morgue and onto the elevator. "Good," Maura replied to his silent response, "because that's not till morning. Jane, are you sure you want to do this alone? I'll come by tonight, of course, but I'd also come with you, if you need the moral support."

"You're brilliant, you know that?" Jane was laughing on the other end of the line. "Frost never stood a chance." The light chuckling died down as she answered the question. "No, Babe, I need to do this alone, just me and Ma. I owe her that much. But," again that hesitation, that uncertainty, "I… oh hey Frost," the detective sighed into the phone. "I know not everyone knows when they need backup, but I'm not the one to turn down the idea of calling in if I need it, you know?"

"I could sit in the car," Maura suggested, "and await a surreptitious text message? Failing that, at least I'll be ready to drive getaway when you dash outside with your mother yelling and throwing pot holders." It wasn't an exaggeration, in which Maura hardly ever indulged. It was a scenario she could envision quite easily. "Or I could wait at your place, making dinner for you. Whatever you need, baby, I'll do it for you."

On her end of the line, Jane smiled sheepishly at the fact that Maura had just called her 'baby'. "I wouldn't object to finding you in my apartment when I got home tonight. I'm using picking Joe up as the excuse to go over and talk to Ma. Ma suggested dinner, but I doubt we'll make it that far." _I'm thinking I'll go in, grab Joe, tell Ma, and run like hell._

"I'll feed Bass early, then come right over," Maura promised. "Whether your talk ends early or runs late, I'll still be there. Good luck, Janie."

Without another word, Jane hung the phone up. The grin on her face didn't fade until she looked up to see Frost giving her a look. "What?" Her detective's mask fell quickly into place.

"Nothing, just never seen you smile like that before," he shrugged, handing her a stack of papers. "Is this what you needed to finish up your paperwork?"

"Yeah, thanks," she drop the stack on her desk.

A short time later, she was headed to her parents' house. _Okay, here we go._


	2. Chapter 2

"Ma?" Jane opened the front door and bent down to great the bouncing ball of fur that was her dog. "Hey Joe, where's your Grandma, huh?"

"In the kitchen!" Angela's voice rang out.

 _Naturally. Okay, pick Joe up, where's her leash? Oh, by the door; I'll just stick that in my pocket, and… run screaming out the front door? No, better not. Frankie would never let me live it down. Okay, I can do this. I can totally do this. I'm awesome. I'm a Rizzoli. I'm… so is Ma. Ma's all those things, too._ She took in a deep breath. _I'm just going to have to bite it because… because I don't want to be in the closet with Maura. I want her to be able to claim me and be claimed, like she said she wanted. She deserves everything she wants, and she wants this._ The detective looked down into the happy little dog eyes looking back up from her as she held a wiggly Joe in her arms. _So do I._

"Ma, I can't stay long. I know you said something about dinner," the younger Rizzoli started as she walked into the kitchen, "but, it was long weekend, and," upon entering, she saw her father sitting at the table and her Mother by the coffeepot. "I want to go to bed kind of early." _Pop?_ "Hey, Pop, I thought you were working tonight? Ma and I were going to have some… mother-daughter time?" It was a question. She really didn't know what to call this, but the relief on her face said she was glad he was there.

Frank leaned over to pet his grand-dog on the head, letting the furry little girl squirm and writhe and essentially pet herself on his stationary hand. "If you want to do a few minutes of just the girls, I can skedaddle. I thought you might not mind having your old man nearby."

"No, it's cool. In fact," she handed the squirming bundle of fur over to her father, "could you hold Joe for me while I… um, you know?" _Give Ma enough ammo to shoot me down for the rest of my life._ With one final look to Frank for support, Jane turned to Angela. "Hey, Ma, could we talk a little bit about last night?"

Angela finished pouring her coffee and shrugged, "What? That you didn't bother to tell me that Maura had a boyfriend before I tried to set her up with your brother?" She gave her daughter an evil look. "You should have warned me, Jane. I felt like such an idiot."

 _Oh man._ "Yeah, about that," she again glanced to Frank, "Maura doesn't have a _boy_ friend. She has… well, Maura has a… Ma, Maura's dating a," she ran a hand over her suddenly weary features. _Pop, please help me here._ He glanced at her father from behind her hand before dropping it to her side.

Frank cradled Joe in his lap, calming down one overexcited female while Jane dealt with the other. It was kind of cute, listening to a man of his age and size trying to make squeaky tiny voices at the undersized canine. "Who's the good girl? Who's Grandpa's good girl? Ah-boo-boo-boo! Ahhh-boo-boo! Grandpa loves you, yes he does." No help at all. Still, he shot Jane a look: he was here the moment she needed him, but until she did, he trusted her to look after herself. She had always been an adult in his eyes, even as an infant. Now her mother would get to see her that way, too.

 _No help from Pop. Great._ Jane grunted.

"She's what?" Angela raised an eyebrow, waiting for her daughter to spit it out. "Don't tell me she's engaged… or _married_ or something!"

"What?" Their daughter looked offended. "Maura _is not_ married!" _Yet. Hello? Where did **that** thought come from? Later, Janie… later. _ "No, Ma, Maura is dating a woman."

"She's… you mean to tell me that Maura is a… is _that way_?" Jane nodded at her mother's ambiguous, yet not so ambiguous, question. "But, she's so pretty! And I know you've said she had dates with men before. What happened? She could have any guy she wanted!"

"She doesn't want them," Jane responded with a smoothness and a calm she didn't really feel. "She wants who she's with right now, and, frankly, who she is with right now wants her, too." She crossed her arms defiantly. "Very much so." Jaw set, eyes narrowing, Jane Rizzoli was squaring off for the fight she knew was coming. _Ask. Do it, Ma. I know you want to._

"How would you know?" Angela was starting to become defensive. Classic posturing for the mother and daughter. "Do you know this other woman? Jane, are you starting to hang around… _those_ types now? Just because your best friend is a…"

"I'm dating Maura." It was out of Jane's mouth before she knew what had happened. _Holy crap, did I just say that? Yup, based on Ma's face, I just said that._ Three simple words that weren't so simple said in a strong confident voice that really wasn't. "I'm dating Maura, and I have been for a little bit. We spent the weekend together. I lied; we didn't go to New York. We went to the cabin. But," she shrugged, "I didn't lie to Frankie. I really did go after your birthday present, if that even means anything anymore?" She sighed, waiting.

"What do you mean you're dating Maura? I don't understand?" Angela set her coffee mug down on the counter and turned to her husband, confusion, anger, and hurt written on her features. "Frank?"

Her husband provided little help, though he had managed to calm down Joe, who was now snoozing in his lap. "Yeah, Ang? Sounds pretty clear to me. Sounds like it's all good things, right? You wanted Janie to settle down, and you wanted Maura to be part of the family. Two birds, one stone, and it isn't even your birthday yet." Very gingerly he hefted Joe to his shoulder, stood up, and walked over to give Jane a hug. "I'm proud of you, kiddo. That took some stones. You get that from your mother."

"Wait a minute," Angela's voice was rising. "Frank, just like that? You're going to be okay with the fact that our daughter just told us she was… a…"

"Lesbian." Again, that smoothness of tone when, inside, Jane felt like jelly. _Okay, who the hell is making my mouth move?_

"Jane, don't say that!" Her mother closed her eyes, trying to keep hold of the thin string of calm she still had. "Frank, help me talk some sense into her."

"I think she's got all the sense God wanted her to have," Frank replied, setting Joe down right in the middle of the dining table, on a stack of place mats that were shortly destined for the laundry anyway. "Janie knows her own mind. If she's into Maura, then I think we can all just be grateful Maura's into her, too. You said it yourself, either one of them could have anybody they wanted."

"And I don't want anyone else. I want Maura," Jane's voice softened, pleading running across her features. "I have for a while. Ma, she makes me feel happy, protected, safe… loved." She shrugged in apology. "I'm sorry, Ma. I don't like disappointing you. Look, I'm going to go. When you're ready to talk to me without trying to change my mind or yell at me, you know where to find me." She picked Joe up and kissed her father on the cheek. "I'll either be at work or at home or at my place," she said as she left the house.

"Frank, did she just say 'at home or at my place'?" Angela said, shock not letting her get further than her daughter's parting words.

Frank nodded as he started to putter around the kitchen, getting together the makings for a large pot of coffee. "She did." It was going to be a long conversation.

* * *

Jane opened the door to her apartment with a sigh, letting Joe go as soon as she closed it. Little paws clicked against her hardwood floors as the ball of fluff ran around her home making sure everything was where it should be. Jane, for her part, didn't care if the whole place was turned upside down. She didn't bother to look around and barely managed to lock the door behind her.

She was tired, physically and emotionally.

Leaning against the door, she closed her eyes and slid down until she was sitting on the ground, knees against her chest, head bowed down. She placed her hands on the back of her neck and groaned loudly. _What now?_

It never occurred to her that someone else was in the apartment.

Suddenly there were soft arms around her, the scent of almond flowers and brown sugar, warm lips pressed to her forehead. "That bad?" said the pajama-clad woman who held Jane to her body in a voice heavy with compassion.

Jane jumped and then unfolded, pulling Maura into her lap; the honey blonde fell off balance with a little squawk before cuddling up. "Well," she began as she wrapped her arms around the shapely figure of her girlfriend and rested her head on the her shoulder, "I told her you were dating a girl. She said you could have any guy you wanted. I told her you didn't want them; you wanted who you were seeing and they wanted you. Then, I told her I was dating you. Then she wanted Pop to talk some sense into me. Then I told her I was a lesbian. Then she freaked a little bit. Then I told her that, when she was done freaking out and wasn't going to try to change my mind or yell at me, she knew where to find me. I'd either be at work, at my place, or at home." She sighed. _Wait a minute. At my place or at home? What?_ Her head shot up. "Did I just say 'at my place or at home'?"

The recitation was met with calm concern. "It sounded as though you said that, yes. So, she knows how to reach you. Do you want to leave it up to her to connect with you, or do you want to make it clear that she's important enough to you to make the effort yourself?" Trust Maura to cut past all the details and get right to the uncomfortable heart of the situation, along with a not-so-subtle suggestion as to her own opinion on the matter.

"I want to give her and Pop time to talk, and I want to give me time to calm down." She frowned, closed her eyes, and leaned her head against the door behind her. "My insides feel like Jell-O." _Just a big, shaking mess._ "Tomorrow, if she hasn't called me or found me, which I doubt will happen, I'll look for her after work." She opened one eye to look at the women in her lap. "I promise, okay?"

Given a reasonable alternative to immediate return, Maura nodded and embraced her girlfriend, stroking her hair. "Okay, sweetheart, and I'll find a time to apologize to her later this week as well. Meanwhile, as much as I love sitting in your lap, I think you could be more comfortable. Do you want to shower first, or sit on the couch for a while in case she calls tonight?"

"Couch." Jane waited for Maura to stand and then followed her to the sofa. "Maura," she started as they settled with Jane sitting on her normal side and Maura cuddled up against her side, "My Freudian slip doesn't bother you? Because, to be honest, I'm a little confused that it came out all or even where it came from. I can't believe I said that... _twice_. Of course," she tilted her head to the side, her eyes staring at nothing in particular, "I also can't believe I just told Ma, 'I'm dating Maura' and that I'm a lesbian, either. What the hell is going on with my brain? It's like someone else is at the wheel." _Hello up there? Could you at least give me your name so I know who my captain is now?_

Maura she sank into Jane and let her weight and her warmth calm down the tense detective. "I don't mind a bit, since I think of you as my home, too." A long moment passed, a moment of calm eyes followed by tightened facial features, then lips pressed together, then a wry smile. "I _thought_ I was going to say I thought of your _home_ as my home, but I think what I actually said is the more accurate statement. Apparently telling one truth has made all the other ones harder to hold in. For both of us. I'm very proud of you, Jane. That can't have been easy to do, but you did it. Now it's just a matter of showing your mother that you're the same person you've always been, that she's always loved. Once she adjusts to this new information, she'll be happy that you love and trust her enough to finally share this with her."

"I'm barely comfortable enough to share it with myself. _How_ am I really going to share this with her or anyone else?" She began running her hand up and down Maura's arm as she thought, eyes still trained forward. "Babe, I don't even feel like I know myself anymore."

"No, you don't know yourself well anymore. But I promise, the Jane that's in there, the one who's been trying to get out here and live, she's well worth getting to know. I'm so proud that I get the chance to love her. You. To love _all_ of you, even the parts that scare you." Jane wasn't seeing her, Maura realized as she watched the face of the woman she adored. Jane was seeing change, outsider status, judgmental eyes, harshness and acidity. Maura ached for her, more than her enveloping arms could hold, but she tried.

"You gave your mother a gift today," she said after long silence. "Angela tends to react outwardly first instead of inwardly. When she's calm enough to think, she _will_ think, and she'll come to see how brave you were, and how strong you are. She's going to get past this initial surprise. Didn't she react this way to almost every surprise that you've ever given her, good or bad? This is no different from any other shift that she's had to make in her thinking. I don't think you were wrong to get out of there while she processes it, but I do think you'll be best served by going back to talk to her again soon. It will show her, and you, that you weren't just running away because you're ashamed of this beautiful thing inside you. She'll have to realize that you ran because her words have power over you. It's a great responsibility that she hasn't quite realized she has yet, because until now you've done everything you could do, within the confines of your nature, to make _her_ approve of you."

"Is it really such a beautiful thing?" Jane's voice was quiet, weak. Her eyes were still unfocused, hand still absentmindedly running up and down Maura's arm, but her expression had shifted from tension to fear. It wasn't a look she carried often, or for very long if it did appear. But, in this moment, it was the overriding emotion, and it was starting to consume her. _I've spent my entire life trying not to be a stereotype, and here I am... exactly that. I don't know if I can do this if Ma decides to walk away from me. I need her just as much as I need Pop, just as much as I need Maura. My job is going to be hell once news breaks. At least, it will for a little while until they find someone else to give shit to, but God only knows how long that will take._ She sighed, using her free hand to pinch the bridge of her nose.

Maura's eyes looked so sad as she sat up, shifted to cradle that lovely, angular face in her hands. "Jane, _of course_ it's beautiful. How is it possible that you wouldn't see that? This is a good thing. It's about truth, about strength, and it's about love, and... and even if this weren't about something as breathtaking as those things, it would still be something inside _you_ , and that alone would make it beautiful. Your mother, Jane, she loves you. She's just learned something that will take some rethinking of the dreams she's always had for you, but she _will_ see this as a gift. Eventually. Angela has always known how special you were."

Jane's eyes shot to Maura's, narrowing slightly. "This," she made a vague motion in the air with the hand furthest from the doctor, " _is not_ a gift, Maura. _This_ is a pain the ass at best and a curse at worst." Color was coming back into the detective's cheeks, eyes glaring slightly, though she spotted the signs of panic in Maura's face and quickly added. " _You_ are not a curse. Sometimes a pain the ass, but not a curse. If this was just all about _me_ being in love with _you_ , then everything would be fine, but it's not, and before you interrupt me to tell me how wonderful life is, just let me finish."

It was good that she had said so; Maura was already shaking her head and opening her mouth to protest. She shut it quickly, looking abashed, murmuring only, "Go on."

The dark haired brunette stood up to pace the room. "Maura, this is hard for me, and I don't think you get it. I really don't. You can sit there and tell me how much my mother loves me, and how she's going to be fine once the shock wears off, but Ma's not as easy as you think she is.

"At least, she's not on me. On my brothers, she's a pushover, but not on me. She's always ridden me the hardest, pushed me the hardest to be the one to get married and start a family. You don't know the hell I went through when I told her I was going to the academy. You weren't there. You don't know." Her face hardened at the memories. "If it wasn't for Pop, Ma still wouldn't be talking to me. She still talks about it when it's just family – how _not_ normal my job is, how I need to settle down, how strange I am, how the neighbors and people at church talk about me. Yeah, Ma recognizes I'm special, alright," Jane rolled her eyes, "I'm so freaking different from everyone else that I've heard her lie about what I do at the precinct until she couldn't anymore because... well, because," she held up her hands, "the press took away her options for that."

"My mother loves me, but my mother is ashamed of me in a lot of ways, Maura, and God only knows how this will all end. I left today because the only person in the universe that can calm my mother down and _maybe_ talk some sense into her is my father." She clamped her jaw tightly shut, the muscles at the sides of her head twitching as she sat back down on the sofa. "Maura, I love you, I really do. God help me, I think I'd follow you through hell and back, but you've got to understand," she turned to look her girlfriend in the eyes, "this is not a gift to my mother. To my mother, this is one more thing that keeps me from being 'normal', like the neighbor's kids."

Quieted considerably at Jane's insistence, the smaller woman took a moment before cluing in to the fact that she was allowed to respond, or perhaps it just took her a few seconds to come up with anything to say. "Jane, I'm sorry. I knew it would be very hard for you, but I don't think I fully realized that the pressures you felt weren't all internal." Distress tightened her voice, but she braved her way through it, refusing to succumb to her usual spate of cleansing tears. "I really thought that... Well, she _does_ love you so much that I guess I thought that would be enough. It isn't, though, is it? I've been so naïve." This time, her head shake was not in protest, but in dismay that she had missed such a vital part of the interactions between mother and daughter.

"I wish I could do something to fix this, or at least, to make it easier for you to live with." Maura stood, fidgeting the chunky ring on her middle finger absently. "What if... What if I were to tell her that you only told her that because _I'm_ gay, and you didn't want me to be pressured to date Frankie? That's true. You did only _tell_ her because of that. You can salvage this for yourself. I'll try not to be so obvious about the way I feel for you. I don't care about my own reputation, since I don't really have anyone who would care one way or another what I get up to in my off-hours." She took a breath, apparently prepared to spin an extensive plan that would make the FBI, CIA, and NSA blush at their own amateurish efforts.

Jane sat still, watching the doctor trying to build some sort of master plan. _I adore Maura. I don't want her to lie for me, and I don't want to act like we're not together. Being a couple in the open when we were out of town was one of the best experiences of my life. No way do I want to give that up. But, I'm only halfway through this, and... and I don't do anything half-assed. I want to be with Maura, and I'm not going to hide that. I couldn't even if I wanted to, and I don't. I'm a Rizzoli. It's like Pop always says..._ "Rizzolis are tough as nails," she murmured to herself, "We don't do anything halfway, we don't run, and we don't abandon the people we love." _And there's no doubt I love you, Maura._ With something close to relief playing around her eyes, she stood to reach for the doctor's hands. _Guess there's only one thing to do, then. Guess I knew that already._ "I wouldn't trade what we have for anything, even if it did make my life easier. I don't care." She leaned over to capture a kiss, which Maura was only too happy to give her. "Okay, I do care, but I'm not backing down. We'll deal with Ma, however she decides to act about this." This time, she gave a small, private smile. "Thank you for being here and being you, even if sometimes that means I have to remember to explain the obvious."

There was nothing Maura could even say. Her plans scattered like surprised butterflies, leaving her with nothing but a hopeful smile.

Jane gave a ghost of a Rizzoli smirk as she pulled the smaller woman into a hug. "So," she whispered quietly, "how did you like your card?"

It was hard to say who was winning the hugging contest, a sure sign that the answer was _everybody_. Maura sniffed a bit, relieved that she wouldn't have to hide from Jane's family. "I thought it was the sweetest card I've ever gotten. It's in my desk drawer, so that whenever I get a moment in which I can, I'll be able to look at it and touch it, and know that your hands," she stepped back just enough to draw Jane's left hand to her lips and kiss each fingertip, "touched it first."

"What did you think of the note inside?" Jane blushed, looking away with a sudden bashfulness.

"That was the best part," Maura replied, sliding her arms around to fill them with Jane. "The rest was lovely, and I liked the little coffees with the caramel-and-foam hearts, like the ones down at the Swizzle Stick. But the part you wrote yourself," she added, voice lowering to utter sincerity with a touch of flirtation, "just for me?" Once more she put her lips to the taller woman's hands, this time right to the center of the palms, then up to each wrist for softer yet more pointed kisses. "That'll get you laid tonight, _Janie_."

Jane sputtered for a moment. "I... you... well, I wasn't. I mean, um... I like hearing you call me that," it was the only coherent thought the detective could muster. The blush deepened.

Hazel eyes twinkled as Maura gazed up at Jane. "I knew what you meant by that. I like the idea of getting to call you that. I know you don't enjoy hearing that from just anyone, and it did make me feel as special as I know you wanted me to feel. I feel the same way calling you Janie now that I've always felt when you call me Maur', and making it sound like you're saying 'more'." So that was why her eyes lit up at odd moments. "You always make me feel that way. I hope I can make you feel that way, too, because you are. _You're_ perfect. I love everything about you. Now," she added, running her hands up Jane's back and arms, "I know this has been a stressful day, and I'm so sorry about that. I'm hoping you'll let me make it up to you somewhat." Without fully realizing it, she echoed her own words from a week previously, but with a whole new undertone to the words. She was not speaking to an ill, weakened person but to a woman who had been brave enough to speak the truth to someone who didn't want to hear it, someone she needed. "Let me take care of you tonight, baby."


	3. Chapter 3

"Jane," Frost's voice came floating across the room, barely heard over the clicking of the pen his partner kept clicking in her hand. " _Jane_ ," it was almost noon, and she had been tapping, fidgeting, and clicking since she walked in that morning. Korsak had bailed about an hour in citing the need to go check on 'a few things', but Frost had real work to do, and his partner's twitchiness was wearing on his last, thin nerve. "OH MY GOD, JANE… _STOP_." As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he realized his mistake. Panic rushed him, and he started wondering if he could make the exit before she had a chance to beat him to a pulp.

"Sorry," She mumbled, putting the pen down and picking up one that couldn't be clicked as she continued on with her paperwork. _It's almost lunchtime, and I haven't heard from Ma yet. Should I find her during lunch? Should I call her? I promised Maura that I'd find Ma after work if Ma didn't find me first, but, what if she doesn't want to talk to me? What if she's already at church praying for my soul and finding out the proper way to disown your first born? What if she's burning all my pictures? What if she and Pop had a major fight about me and…_ Jane's leg bounced under her desk, making a much quieter, but no less annoying, sound.

Frost sat, stunned. She hadn't yelled at him. She hadn't threatened him. She hadn't done anything. She had _apologized._ What was going on here? "Jane," he tried again. "Jane, hey… yo, Earth to Detective Rizzoli!" He was going to at least try to figure out what was going on here because one of two things was going on. One, Jane had been capture by aliens and replaced with a pod person, or, two, something was _seriously_ wrong with his partner.

Turning around in her chair, Jane sighed heavily, "Yeah, Frost? What is it?"

Frost frowned. Not aliens. Choice number two, then. He stood up. "I need some coffee that's better than the mop water coming out of our machines. Come with me, I'm buying." He waited for her to agree, to leap up and agree immediately, or to tell him to go to hell. When she did none of those things, his face drained of all expression and a little bit of color as well. His partner, Detective Jane Rizzoli, didn't want coffee? That was it. She was the badass of the entire precinct, but by God, he was her _partner_ , and today he was going to make that relationship count. He settled his hands on her shoulders and looked Jane dead in the eye. "I said _coffee_. I said _come_ _with me_. I didn't say please. But I'm saying it now. Please, Jane, get up out this chair and come with me to get some coffee. We need to talk."

Jane blinked for the breath of a couple of seconds before her eyes narrowed. "Let go of my shoulders, Frost, before I remove them for you and beat you over the head with your own arms." After her partner quickly pulled back, the senior detective grunted in irritation. _He's getting too big for his pants. Who does he think he is? Telling me 'we need to talk'. He can go..._ "I think you should go take a break… without me. In fact, here," she thrust a file into his hand. "Give this to Maura on your way out." Her look left little room for argument, unless you had a death wish.

Having taken his hands off Jane, Frost nevertheless stood his ground. "Are we partners? I don't mean are we assigned together, I mean are we really partners? Or are you just marking time till whatever happened between you and Korsak is over, and you can go back to him? Because I need to know if I can count on you. Right now, I'm trying to show you that you can count on me. I don't like stepping to you like this, but there is something eating at you. Besides the fact that I don't want you this twitchy in the field, I also don't want you living with something that's going to be riding you like this."

 _Insert words Maura doesn't like for me to say here. Damn, that woman has me trained._ "Frost, I can't talk about it right now. I really can't." She sighed, throwing her pen down and turning her chair to face her partner. "Look, just… just give me until tomorrow. I can't talk about this with you until I've finished … something first, okay?" Her face softened a little. _I keep telling Korsak to cut him some slack. I should follow my own advice._ "It's not that I don't trust you, Frost. It's that I have to finish this thing first before I can handle moving on with everything else. I promise that, after tonight, you'll be the first person I come talk to about what's making me fidget enough to make you feel like you're going through Chinese water torture, okay?" She pinched the bridge of her nose, wincing at the headache now dully thumping at the front her head. "Please, just… I just need to finish this paperwork right now so I _can_ finish this thing I have to do today. Can you please just take that down to Maura?"

It would do. Frost nodded once and promised, "This is on hold, but it's not over. Partner." With that he accepted the file and the role of errand-boy as easily as if he'd just barely been brought into the division and was still starry-eyed over being paired with the brightest star in the Homicide constellation.

"Hey," Jane called out the retreating form of his partner, "you _are_ my partner, Frost. Thanks for letting me handle this like I need to." With that, she went back to work, turning her body in her chair to indicate she had nothing more to say.

It warmed Barry's heart.

* * *

Doctor Isles was not in the morgue. She was not in her office. She was not in the lab, although one of the technicians said he'd seen her headed for the ladies' room to change out of her scrubs. "She should be about ten or fifteen more minutes. The doctor likes to shower away the smell of the autopsy," he explained blithely before getting back to whatever nasty thing he was piping into the test tubes meant for the centrifuge.

Which gave Barry plenty of time for what he had in mind.

After making certain no one was watching, Frost slipped into the medical examiner's private office and glanced around the top of her desk. By way of looking as though he should be there, he held the file in his had so he would have a reason to be in there. He could claim he was just dropping the file off if anyone asked. Again checking through the window in the door to make sure he was still safe, he pulled open the top drawer of the desk.

His eyes landed on the envelope he had given to Dr. Isles the day before at Jane's request. He set the file folder down and slowly picked up the envelope. After debating for a few seconds, he narrowed his eyes, set his jaw, and pulled the card out.

The outside of the card held a picture of two latte cups, the foam shaped in hearts on the top of each cup. The text in the bottom right corner read, "I love all those simple, everyday moments we spend together". The inside of the card had two messages. The printed message read, "I'm so lucky because I have you to love". Then, in his partner's distinctive handwriting, the other message caught his eye. "Thank you for being perfect, and you are perfect to me. I love you. Janie."

"Oh my God," Frost said aloud. "How the hell did Korsak and I miss _this_?"

"Miss what?" asked a familiar, feminine voice cheerfully as Maura returned from the women's shower, hair freshly styled, makeup freshly reapplied, dressed to the nines. Apparently the lab tech had been slightly mistaken as to the time. "Hello, Barry. Did you bring that file for me, or is that something I should have brought upstairs for you?"

Panic. It coursed through Barry Frost like the blood in his veins, but he was already too far in to do anything but push through. If there was one thing he had learned from his partner, it was that sometimes you just had to push your way through. He cleared his throat a couple of times, shifted nervously on his feet, but managed to keep his voice steady, at the very least. "Jane sent the file down." He held up in the card for her to see, "like she sent down this card yesterday. Is _this_ why she's so messed up? What's going on here, Doc? Is Jane in danger? Has someone been threatening the two of you because, if they have, you know Korsak and I have your back. You just need to tell us what's really going on here." He was proud of himself. He sounded confident and self-assured despite the fact he was terrified.

Maura's eyes widened in understated but bone-deep consternation as she evaluated her available options. She could deflect, misdirect, obfuscate... Her shoulders squinched inward just for a second, as if she had caught a sudden chill. _Did he already read the inside? If he didn't, this could be put down to someone else. But no, he just said **the two of you**. He read it. He knows. Wait, maybe he doesn't._ "Um. Well. N-no, Barry, no one's threatening me, or Jane." _I don't believe in you, but if you're listening, please don't let him be able to read Jane's atrocious handwriting. Maybe he'll believe it says Jonnie. Jerrie. Even Jennie. Please, gigantic old judgmental man in the sky, in whom I don't believe, do this one thing for me. I'll reconsider._ "I... presented Jane with some information, and she... is... a very supportive friend who loves me." _Please, please, probably-nonexistent deity._

Raising an eyebrow in an 'oh really' expression, Frost pursed his lips for a moment. "Really?" He opened the card and read, "Thank you for being perfect, and you are perfect to me. I love you. Janie." Closing the card, look still firmly planted on his face, he said in a 'don't give me that' voice, "Just some 'information', huh? Come on, Doc, my momma didn't raise a fool, and I didn't make detective by believing a line when it's fed to me. There's something going on between you and Jane, isn't there?"

It was the closest Maura had ever come to a direct lie, aside from the one that had shown her she wasn't capable of it, and the honey-blonde was feeling lightheaded. Her eyes closed, and she pressed a splayed hand to her heart, then her stomach, and forced herself to breathe calmly. The near-lie was awful. Worse was this feeling of exposure, not of herself, but of the one person she had promised to protect. _Now I know why people lie. I've failed her._ Her head bowed. Maura knew she didn't need to answer the question; it was already too late to revert to the truth and appear honest again. She was stained with the attempted sin. She removed her steadying hand from the doorpost and held it out. "May I have it, please?"

"No," Frost replied, head tilted to the side as he watched the doctor's reactions. "I don't think so. I think you need to sit down and tell me what's going on with you and my partner and why you two are all of the sudden trying to cover up your relationship." He carefully placed the card on her desk and stepped back to pull her desk chair out for her. "If you're in trouble, I need to know, Doc. I'm not going let anyone hurt my partner or the woman she's dating."

Eventually, Maura opened her eyes, and _then_ she knew she was exposed. She'd thought she was before, but this, this was true nakedness, and she knew Barry would see it, too. "What do you mean, suddenly covering up our relationship? It just started, and we've been so careful! How could you possibly know?" Shakily, her hand sought the door frame instead of the chair. "No one is threatening... us. There's no trouble that comes from anywhere else. This isn't... I promised her I wouldn't tell," she broke off in a stifled wail, turning her eyes upward to keep the tears captive there.

With a heavy sigh and a shake of his head, Frost walked around the desk, wrapped a protective and supportive arm around the doctor, and guided her to the chair. When she was seated, he leaned against the desk, crossed his arms, and looked down at her. His face was unguarded, and a look of almost humor was in his eyes. "You two," he said as gently as he could, "have been all over each other since the day I was assigned as Jane's partner. I honestly thought you were dating for about two weeks. When I asked Korsak how long you two had been a couple, he laughed so hard I thought he was going to spew coffee out of his nose. He told me that Jane was strictly di…um, very straight, you were the 'Queen of the Dead' - he wasn't sure you even dated at all, and you two were just really good friends." He shrugged as he remembered the conversation.

"At the time, I rolled with it, but I always wondered if he was missing something because he'd known Jane for too long. You know, sometimes you miss things about people if they change and you don't bother to notice it." He shifted a little, clearing his throat. "Anyway, my point is that I always thought there was more going on between you two than just friendship, whether you two knew it yet or not. I figured it was only a matter of time." He gave her a gentle smile. "Like I said, my momma didn't raise a fool."

 _I knew you'd let me down, you non-existent ratbastard._ She sat, numb and dumb, throughout Frost's exposition, ankles crossed, hands on lap, just as she'd been taught was the proper way for a lady to sit. "Not even two weeks," sighed Maura as the tall man drew to a close, answering the question Barry hadn't asked. "Jane had food poisoning, and was so sick that she couldn't stop herself from talking. She just kept spewing out whatever she was thinking, and then it became real." One hand stole to the side to pick up the tell-all greeting card and hold the precious thing to her. "I promised no one at work would know before she could tell her mother. I _promised_ , Barry. I shouldn't have promised something I couldn't control. I _didn't_ tell you, but now you know anyway, and you're going to look at her, knowing, and she's going to know that you know, and she's going to feel so awful, and it's my fault for keeping this," she held up the card, then cuddled it back to her chest once more, "but I wanted it near me. It's so foolish, it's just a _thing_ , but it's from her."

"It's a thing from someone you adore. I don't think that's foolish. It's actually kind of cute." He pushed off the desk. "I promise I won't tell anyone else, and I'm sorry I snooped, but I'm worried about her, and you were both acting a little odd, even for you two." He placed an assuring hand on her shoulder. "She promised me she'd tell me tomorrow what was going on with her, and I believe her. Until then, I can keep a secret, and, unlike some people I know, I can lie." He frowned at the medical examiner's distressed state. "Look, you didn't fail her, Doc. I figured it out on my own. I'm a detective, too, in case everyone around here forgot. I can put pieces together with the best of them." He gave her shoulder a little squeeze before trying to pull away. "Well, maybe not as well as Jane can, but don't tell her I told you that. She'll never let me live it down."

Unexpectedly for them both, Maura leaned into the squeeze, holding his hand there. She was tense with the effort of holding in her turmoil, but the brief contact helped. She had always been tactile, just never been permitted such freedom for that as Jane had given her. "You are a very good detective, Barry, and a very good man. Thank you for being our friend." But something had been bothering her, and once Frost had settled her mind about his own membership in their growing group of conspirators, she could focus on the niggling little issue that had been itching within her. "Barry, did you know about us before you came down here?"

"No. Why?" He shrugged. "In fact, I wasn't even going to come down here. Jane threw this file at me and told me to bring it down to you. I was just going out for coffee." He frowned, remembering the conversation with Jane. "Actually, I think I will go get some of that coffee. You want something?"

Maura's head shook; she was elsewhere. "No. Yes. I don't know. I'm... You said Jane was behaving oddly, and then you said you thought we were being threatened by someone." Abruptly, she was back from wherever her thoughts had taken her, focused on Frost in such a way that she never had been before. "Is she _that_ stressed? This morning she was so much calmer than when she got home from her parents' place last night. She was smiling. Barry, please tell me. Did _Jane's behavior_ convince you that we were being threatened?"

"Honestly? Yeah, a little." Frost walked around the desk and took a seat in one of the guest chairs. "The only time I've seen her this tightly wound and upset is when you had been kidnapped by your… by the hitman. She looked like she was about to come unglued. Right now, she looks even worse. I was kind of concerned that something like that was happening again, and you two just weren't telling us to keep us safe or something just as stupid."

Hurt suffused Maura's features as she glanced in what Frost was certain, if he checked, would be the exact direction of Jane's desk upstairs. "She's terrified," said the woman quietly. "Her father and Frankie were so happy for us. I told her that her mother would be too, but Angela reacted poorly. Now Jane's scared that her mother will never be able to tolerate this, let alone accept it. I hope so much that she's wrong, Barry. She needs her mother, and I really had thought that Angela's love wasn't the kind that came with conditions or limitations. I tried to help her de-stress last night, and I thought it had worked at least well enough to get her through the day."

She worried at her bottom lip with a short thumbnail, frowning in concentration. _Should I call Angela? No, that's a bad idea. Maybe a letter. No. This is Jane's. I can't interfere, not even to ease the way. Besides, if Angela was willing to be so harsh with Jane, I don't want Jane to see how she'll react to the woman who perverted and defiled her daughter._ "This is dreadful, Barry," she said as she remembered he was still there and turned her face up towards him. "The way she felt with Hoyt, the way she felt when I was kidnapped... This isn't the way she should have to feel when facing her own mother. The danger isn't -" But she broke off. The danger _was_ just as great. Being robbed of life or love was no more threatening than being robbed of the love of a parent, when one had always rested within the shade of that love. With a shock, she realized, "Oh, no. Barry, we _are_ being threatened."

"Angela Rizzoli's wrath is something to be scared of." He nodded his agreement. "She's the only person I know that Jane actually cowers before, and, given what I've seen Jane do to drug crazed gang bangers, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want to face down her mother." He grunted, remembering some incident he'd witnessed. "Anything I can do to help that won't make things worse? I could go upstairs and tell Jane that I owe her one for covering my weekend shift a couple of weeks ago, and I could take over everything for the rest of the day if she wanted to skip out early to grab a beer or something. You know, give her an out so she can go do whatever it is she needs to go do. Would that help?"

Gratitude washed over Maura's pretty features. "Would you? That would be such a wonderful thing for her. And will you tell her, please, that if she needs me, I'm ready to go with her right now to help her until her meeting with her mother?

"Well, no, I won't tell her that. If you want me to keep my cover, you'll have to figure out a way to tell her that yourself without her finding out we had this little chat." Frost gave her a 'well, duh' look. "Doc, you really _are_ bad at this lying thing, aren't you?"

This time, Maura actually looked confident. Even pitying, in fact. She reached out and placed her hand over Barry's. "What you'll say is that you asked me if I knew what was going on with her, and that I didn't tell you. Because I didn't. Then you'll say that you told me she looked stressed and might need to take the day off, which is also true. Then you'll say that when I heard that, I volunteered to keep her company for a little while. You don't have to lie. I've lied once in my life, and yet somehow I made it all the way through college with my parents thinking I was a virgin. This isn't my first... What is it?... my first time at the rodeo, Barry." _Amateurs are so cute._

"If I didn't know any better, Doc," Frost said as he stood up, "I'd say you were patronizing me just a little bit." He shrugged. "Whatever works, I guess. I'm going upstairs to pass the word along to Jane."


	4. Chapter 4

"Frost offered to cover for me for the rest of the day." Jane walked into the medical examiner's office and leaned against Maura's desk, arms crossed. "Nice of him, wasn't it?"

Maura half-closed her laptop, turning her face up towards Jane. "That was sweet. He asked me if I knew what was bothering you."

"I figured he would when I sent him down here. What did you tell him?" The detective was eyeing the doctor with a suspicious, guarded look.

"I told him that I'd noticed you were stressed lately." When Jane's 'oh, come on' look penetrated her sunny outlook, Maura realized she should add more. "Barry said that you were behaving just as you had when I was kidnapped by Patrick Doyle. I was worried about you, Jane. If this is just as hard on you as a fear for my physical safety, then it's even worse than I realized, and I don't want you to feel like that. When Barry told me that he wanted to send you home to work out whatever it was, I was grateful to him, and I asked him to let you know I'd be happy to go with you to help, if you wanted me." Unlike with Barry, who had startled her into revealing more with her partial recitation of the truth than she had intended, Maura was prepared for Jane's suspicion, and her facade was entirely smooth. Her girlfriend did not need the added stress of knowing that her partner had her figured out. Not yet.

Jane gave a huff. _There's more to this story. Either I'm getting better at telling when she's giving me partial truths, or she's getting worse at telling them to me._ "I see the card I gave you is on your desk." She smiled. "You like it that much?"

Maura nodded. "I really do." Suddenly her hands went chill. _She sees right through me._

"I'm glad." Stepping away from the desk, Jane leaned down to place a hand on either side of Maura's chair, effectively pinning the doctor in place. Eye to eye, the detective gave just a hint of a smirk, "Frost like it, too?" _I think I might be getting better at reading her. Will wonders ever cease?_

 _This is what it's like to be a murderer,_ Maura realized, _and know that this woman was going to get you to give up your confession_. She shuddered, and decided it wouldn't hurt as much if she allowed it to happen. "He found it when he searched my desk, Jane. I didn't tell him. I didn't have to. He thought you, _we_ , were being threatened, and that we weren't saying anything to him and Vince out of fear for what they would think. He cares about you, Jane."

 _Figures. Nothing's ever easy for me, is it? But I guess I knew this was going to happen, didn't I? Yeah, I kind of did. Frost's good at his job._ With a gentle sigh, Jane leaned forward and kissed her still shuddering girlfriend. "You're a lot cuter than most of my interrogation suspects," she whispered against soft lips.

 _Way better than being a murderer,_ came Maura's instant mental correction as she let out a soft moan. Stress, fear, and even the most chaste of kisses, all at once, was a heady cocktail. Still, she knew Jane was disappointed, which took some of the swirl out of that drink. "Thank you. Wow. For a moment, I felt what your suspects must feel. It's... strangely appealing, but I don't think I want to put you in the position of having to do that again." _Unless you want to do it again. Oh, good grief, Maura, why don't you just ask her to use the cuffs? How cliché._ She cleared her throat and sat more upright. "In the meantime, are you going to take Barry's offer, or did you just come down here to pump me? F-for information, I mean?"

"Well, if you're offering," Jane let her voice trail off as she stood up to lean against the desk again. "Yes, I'm taking his offer. I've been thinking about this thing with Ma, and I think it's time I showed her exactly who I am. I'm not doing this halfway." _I'm a Rizzoli. That's not how we roll._ "If she and I are going to brawl, it's going to be all or none. I don't think I can take much more of this stress anyway." She ran a hand through her hair, flipping it to throw the unruly curls in the opposite direction from where they rested. "I'm thinking that who I am is really less who _I_ am and more who I am plus who _we_ are." She looked down at the doctor. "What do you think?"

Maura nodded, then tilted her head in puzzlement. "Could you rephrase?" she asked as she patted her lap, an offer of a little more closeness before they left that office for whatever Jane wanted to do. It was shorthand: I don't understand, but maybe if you put it another way, I'll be able to sort it through.

"Yeah," instead of taking the offer, Jane reached down to pull Maura out of her chair and into her arms, laying her head against the other woman's chest. _Her heartbeat is… calming? Soothing? Nice?... Who cares? I like hearing her heart beat._ "I promised you last night that I'd talk to Ma today and let her get to know me now. But, who I am now is more than just me. I… Maur, you're a part of who I am now. So, if she's going to get to know me, she has to get to know us, too. Make sense?" _I hope it does because it's as good as it's getting. I don't know how else to explain this._

Maura's fingers thoughtfully stroked Jane's hair, then one hand trailed down the shoulder to lace their digits together. The way they held one another had quickly replaced the Musée d'Orsay in her mind as the most beautiful thing she had ever encountered, and that was long before romantic love had become an overt part of their relationship. "It does make sense. In practical terms, are you saying you'd like me to come with you? I will."

"I'd like for you to come with me, but I won't force you. This is a partnership, Maur. I don't want you do something just because I want you to. I want you to come if you feel like you should." Jane inhaled deeply, enjoying the light scent she associated with her girlfriend. _I wonder if there's a study out there that shows a relationship between the touch and scent of someone's partner and de-stressing? There probably is. There's probably a better way to word that. I bet Maura's read the study. I should ask her at some point._

The light huff of breath Maura exhaled was not strong enough to be a chuckle, but it did come with a smile, faintly visible in their reflection in the window of her office door. She knew Jane would see it. "I want to come with you, Jane. Last night, you said I shouldn't because you needed to do this alone, but I'd always intended to drive you there, wait in the car for you, and be there immediately when you left, however long it took. But only because I couldn't go in with you, without your permission." _I love her warmth. I love it when she puts her cheek on my chest and then talks, the way her face moves against me. This chemical reaction that she produces in my brain and in my body, how did I live without this? I should tell her about it sometime. She would be interested to know about the connection between pheromone output, touch, and emotional response._ "Would you like to do this at your apartment, or in a public place?" There was no way she would suggest her own home, to which she was sure Angela would not come, nor the family home in which Jane had too many memories of struggling against restrictions, watchfulness, expectations, and the inherently unequal relationship between parent and child.

Reluctantly, Jane pulled back a little. "I called her already. We're supposed to meet her at the park in," she checked her watch, "twenty minutes. Before you ask, yes, she knows you're coming." For a brief moment, her eyes grew distant. _I really like the park. Maura looks amazing when the sun is shining down on her, and… and I hope I haven't ruined that place for me. I hope this turns out okay. I hope._ Jane groaned. "We better go. If we get there early, we can just sit on a bench and enjoy the sun. Ready?"

"Ready," Maura agreed with alacrity, though pulling back from Jane so that they actually _could_ go took a bit more willpower. "And Jane?" She swung her purse up to hang from her shoulder, then caught Jane's hands in hers one more time. "You've got this. You are _awesome_."

"It's funny you should say that," the detective said with a chuckle as she opened the office door for the honey blonde. "I tell myself that exact same thing all the time."


	5. Chapter 5

The park was not overly populated, not in the middle of a Tuesday when there were no civic or major religious holidays. Maybe an adult walking a stroller, a jogger zooming past with a dog, a few children and their caregivers hanging around the playground, a couple of teenagers cutting class. Senior citizens and homeless folks. But no real crowds, no serious noise, marred the idyllic day for the two women who sat together on a bench at one of the chess tables, an empty seat on the other side, three drink cups between them in preparation for the third person they expected shortly.

The taller, darker brunette looked tense, or at least, she had when first sitting down. As the sun shone down, enriching her olive skin with its loving warmth, she seemed aglow with the smile that kept playing about her lips. Symmetrically scarred hands toyed with her coffee cup as she focused most of her attention on the smaller, fairer woman by her side. "Thanks for this, Maur. I really don't know how this is going to go, but after last night, I'm sort of prepared for the worst. Well, not really prepared, but I kind of expect it." Though her body carried signs of tension, her face and hands told a different story. Her soft, scratchy voice carried a lilt where it should have been flat with fatalism. She was in love. It would not have been obvious, perhaps, had the object of her affections not been within inches of her, but she was, skin beginning to freckle in the dappled light.

"No," the honey-blonde said gently as she shifted to face the slender woman beside her. "She agreed to meet with you, which means that she's willing to keep the lines of communication open. This is a good sign, Jane. Even if all she wants is to yell, at least that will mean she's still talking to you. Yelling is her way, that's all. If someone cares enough to stay and fight, believe me, that's a much healthier sign than silence." Though she was trying to be reassuring, the look on her face was not the gentle compassion she was shooting for. What her expression offered was nothing less than complete adoration. The most casual, near-sighted passerby would have spotted that look for what it was. Neon, flash bulbs, flowers, starry eyes. One would think that the birds, enjoying the seasonal warmth at the tops of their tiny lungs, had been hired just to give voice to what was going on in this woman's mind. She slipped her hand down from the table to rest its back against Jane's thigh, under the completely misguided notion that subtlety was even possible for them.

* * *

Angela Rizzoli walked up from behind the two. For a few moments, she stood still just staring at the scene in front of her. The brunette was clearly her daughter. She'd know that silhouette anywhere. The lighter haired woman was definitely Maura. She'd know that hair anywhere.

Watching them interact, the closeness made her frown. She wasn't ready for this, to deal with this new development with her daughter. But her husband was right. She couldn't put it off much longer, either. Resettling her purse, she started walking again, deciding at the last moment to not hold back as she rounded the table to take her spot across from the couple.

"Could you two be any more obvious? The entire park probably knows you're sleeping together," she spat out in a lowered voice as she sat down.

The voice of a mother should have broken the spell, but it was uncomfortably obvious to Angela that it had not. Though Jane's head turned first to zero in on her, it was not with the startled guilt she had always exhibited when interrupted with a boyfriend.

Seeing that confidence in her made Maura's smile deepen and warm as she turned towards the woman who should have inspired at least a little trepidation in her. Instead, she looked possibly even more calm than Jane as she nudged the third coffee cup towards Angela. "It's possible," she replied agreeably. As if a blind baby rabbit couldn't see it.

Angela gave a little huff but took the offered cup of coffee. "Thanks." She regarded them both over the rim of the coffee cup for a moment. The two young women practically screamed 'unit'. It was a little unnerving for the older woman, who had prepared for a confrontation, but not a united front. "So, you wanted to talk. I'm here. Talk."

"Ma," Jane started calmly, voice confident, look controlled, "Can we not start this off by fighting? I want us to talk about this. Maura and I wanted to meet you so that we could… I don't know… find some common ground?" Dark eyes flickered to the honey blonde beside her, looking for backup or guidance.

At least the coffee had been accepted. Every Rizzoli gathering Maura had attended thus far had been aided by food and drink, so this was a point of familiarity she had deliberately suggested to Jane. However, too much familiarity might be a poor choice, she reflected, and so she reverted to surname use even though Sunday she had been asked to call her Angela. "Mrs. Rizzoli, I can't tell you how glad we both are that you've come today. This is more difficult for you than I can really even comprehend, but being here shows how much you love Jane and how much you want to maintain your relationship. So many parents wouldn't do that."

"Of course I love Jane; she's my daughter." Angela's eyes flickered to the chess table for a moment, and she smirked. Clearly, whatever internal thought that passed through her mind had to do with noticing where they were, but she kept it to herself. "I suppose you love my daughter, too, don't you?"

" _So much_ ," Maura replied, and for a brief moment allowed her eyes to focus fully on Angela's face. She was accustomed to letting them flick around along with her smiles and laughter, light as bubbles in the air, letting everyone think she was just a brain wrapped in pampered softness. This look was different. She dropped all of it and showed Angela what she had never _not_ shown to Jane, the full intensity of all of her, all at once, vulnerable and powerful to the same staggering degree. It flowed off of her, something so raw, tender, so fierce. Love like that would be hard for anyone to even recognize, let alone accept. Stand up beneath.

And Jane didn't even look winded. She looked energized by it. Renewed. Made more powerful, in fact.

"We love each other, Ma. It took me a long time to figure it out, but, Maur makes me feel a whole bunch of stuff that I don't really know how to put into words, and, frankly, they're all good things that I haven't felt with anyone else I've been with." A smile spread across the young Rizzoli's features. Soft and feminine with just a hint of a blush, it was the kind of smile Angela always watched for when she set her daughter up on a blind date. It was the telltale sign of, at the very least, infatuation.

"Janie," Angela shut her mouth with a snap, grunted, and tried again, "Jane, what if this doesn't work out? You go through all this… this… _trouble_ and it doesn't work out, then what? Then, you're marked as a… as… _that way_ , and you'll never find someone to settle down with. Why would you mark yourself like that? I just don't understand. Why, Jane? Why are you doing this to yourself? To us… the _family_?" Angela's jaw twitched as she quieted down to wait for a reply.

Her daughter regarded her with something that, to the untrained eye, might be considered pity. "Even if this didn't work out, which," she looked to Maura, not taking her eyes off the face of her girlfriend, "I'm pretty sure won't happen," she looked back to Angela, "I don't think I'd ever date another man." _Oh my God, did I just say that? Why do I keep having this thought when I'm talking to my mother? Am I really a lesbian? I mean… really? Hmm… I… well… crap. Yeah, I really am._ She shrugged.

Maura seemed mildly surprised at Jane's statement, but she moved past it quickly and smoothly enough and turned back to Angela. "For what it's worth, Mrs. Rizzoli, I intend to be with Jane for as long as she'll have me. This relationship is not a passing fancy. It's not a fluke, and it's not something we entered into lightly. I hope my parents will approve of our relationship, but if they don't, well, I am already marked by this. Until recently, I considered myself open to all possibilities in terms of relationships. Now, Jane is," she paused to swallow the tightness in her throat, glancing at the younger Rizzoli with the only hint of nervousness she had shown thus far, "the _only_ possibility for me."

 _Oh, wow… Maur… wow._ Jane's face remained the same calm yet passive mask it had been since her mother sat down, but she reached under the table to grasp Maura's hand and pull it up to hold it. She placed their clasped hands on top of the table, seemingly unaffected by the narrowing of her mother's eyes. "We're committed, Ma. I know this is hard for you. I promise you this isn't any easier for me, and I hate that I'm disappointing you again, but…"

"Who said you were disappointing me?" Angela's voice was razor sharp as she threw the question out.

"I… wait, what?" Confusion. Plain, simple confusion settled on Jane's features.

"Nobody said you were disappointing me." Her mother sighed. "I'm _worried_ about you, sweetie. I'm always worried about you. This thing you're about to do, it's not easy, and it's going to be… hard, _painful_ even. Is that really what you want? You want to go through something that could alienate you from some of your friends and some of your family? You want to do something that will make your life even harder than it is?"

She sighed, holding her hand up to indicate she wasn't done yet. "All of your life, you've always taken the hard way through things. I don't even think I'm exaggerating. I'm pretty sure if there was a mud puddle, a fistfight, an injustice, or a challenge anywhere near you, you were going to find it, get in the middle of it, and try to conquer it. I swear you've been like that since the day you were born." She held her hand out and waited with an expectant look until Jane reluctantly laid her free hand in her mother's. "You don't always win the fight, Jane." The older woman ran a thumb over the back of her daughter's hand. "One of these days, I'm worried the fight will be too much for you, and I just want to make sure that whoever is by your side is the right person for you. It's going to take someone tough as nails to be your… your… what? Your partner? I guess that's the right word." Angela sounded slightly defeated as she finished, her eyes focusing on her daughter's hand in hers.

A dry chuckle had escaped Maura's lips as she began to understand Angela's point of view, and reference. "She's right, you know. You do that," said the smaller woman to her girlfriend as she drew her unoccupied hand off her lap and set it quite near the hand Angela was keeping close to the coffee cup. "Mrs. Rizzoli, last night when Jane got home, she was terrified out of her mind. Terrified into yelling at me, because she felt certain that you were going to hate her. Reject her, disown her, abandon her. I told her you wouldn't. I know a lot of families, a lot of family dynamics, and what has always impressed me about yours is that nothing is bigger or more important to all of you than each other. I told her that whatever reasons you had for being angry were the result of surprise, shock, and ultimately wanting your daughter to have a good life. Jane has had... a fairly short time to get used to the fact that she was emotionally open to a relationship with a woman. You've had less than twenty-four hours. It's going to take more time than that to know what to feel at all, apart from societal pressures. But do you feel that you might someday be at peace with it?"

Angela released Jane's hand and sat back, pulling her coffee cup closer to her and her hand further from Maura's. "At peace with my daughter, once again, taking the most difficult path she could find? No, probably not." She took a thoughtful sip of her coffee. "I'm still not 'at peace' with her deciding to be a cop, and with good reason! Just look at how many times she's gotten hurt, and she's not even 35 yet. One of these days, that job is going to kill her, and she's going to end up on _your_ table, heaven forbid." She sighed, rolling her eyes. "You think you can handle that, Maura? Do you really think you can handle everything my daughter can throw at you because, I tell you now, you haven't seen the half of it."

"Ma," Jane's voice held a thread of warning.

"No, Jane," her mother shot the younger Rizzoli a hard look, one honed over many years, that indicated she expected her daughter to remain quiet. "Well, Maura? Do you really think you're ready to deal with a Rizzoli?"

Stricken dumb, Maura sat goggle-eyed and staring at Angela as the very likely end of their relationship was laid out for her, as if already on her stainless steel table. She couldn't breathe; and then she realized that she could, after all. Far too close to tears, far too close... One fell, then another. She attempted a short form of a yoga breathing exercise, fingers tightening, flattening against the table. She turned to face Jane. "If that happens," whispered Maura in a pinched, fervent voice, "you will deserve the best pathologist, and I'm it. I will perform the autopsy myself. I alone, and no other. There is absolutely no one else whose hands I will permit to touch your body."

The detective gave her mother a pained and angry look before wrapping her arms around the woman next to her. "It's not going to happen," she soothed. "I'm not going to let that happen. I'm going to do everything I can to come home to you every single night." She closed her eyes, willing her own tears to remain in check before turning to face her mother again, Maura still in her arms. "Really, Ma?"

"I face that fear every day for both you _and_ your brother. If this is what you two want, then it's only fair that she knows what it's like to wonder if she's going to see you alive the next time she sees you. I dream about it Jane. Your father's had to wake me up more than once because I was crying in my sleep and wouldn't stop. You say you love each other? Well, love has a flip side. Sometimes, it's painful." She shifted, frowning at her own words. "Love doesn't move mountains. Real love takes a lifetime to build up. It's not just something that happens over a couple of weeks. Lust? Infatuation? Sure, that happens in a few days. But, real love, Jane, it takes time, and you have to see and know all the dirty little secrets of the other before you really know how much you do love each other. Can you stand by and let her hurt like that, knowing you caused it because you got yourself killed?"

"What do you want from me, Ma?" Jane's voice was broken, tired. "You want me to quit my job? You know," _Holy hell, these words are really coming out of my mouth._ "I would quit my job if that's what it takes to make her happy. There are plenty of places out there that would take someone like me for the PR if nothing else."

Maura's head was already shaking, as horrified at Jane's words as she had been at Angela's. "No, Jane, _no_. You love your job, and it's very important that the best of the best are doing your job. That's you. Boston needs you, and you need the job. Don't ever quit for my sake. Retire, someday, yes, but don't quit." She had backed up to make her point, but quickly buried herself again in Jane's shoulder for a long moment to compose herself. Once she had done so, the bouncy-haired woman turned back towards Angela and spoke firmly. "I have great respect for you, Angela, and great affection. That's why I want you to understand the depth of my commitment to your daughter."

"Charles Hoyt threatened to rape and torture me, just as he had done to the bodies of the women he killed, while their husbands were tied up and forced to watch. He did that," Maura went on, evenly and plainly, now that she had relocated her innate poise, "because he knew that _Jane_ would be hurt by that. That's his modus operandi. He hurts a man by killing his wife and then desecrating her body in front of him. Charles Hoyt identified _me_ as the person to hurt if he wanted to get to your daughter. I'll tell you how he figured that out. He smelled her lavender body wash on me."

She leaned forward on the table. "Do you know _why_ he smelled it on me? Because I borrowed it from her _for the sole purpose_ of redirecting his attention towards me. I wanted him to aim himself at me, and not at Jane. I know what he can do; I autopsied his other victims. I knew what he could have done to me, and I considered that a risk worth taking for Jane's sake. Mrs. Rizzoli, your daughter is under my protection," said the biological offspring of Patrick Doyle, "and I will do everything within my power to keep her safe."

A very long, very tense quiet settled over the table as each woman processed what had just been said.

Maura resettled against Jane and remained where she was, content to wait to see what the two Rizzoli women would do next. Jane began to fidget with her free hand, slowly turning her coffee cup with her free hand as she ran patterns along Maura's arm with the arm still around the smaller woman. Angela watched them both with a hardened eye, considering.

Finally, Angela broke the silence. "She talks about you all the time when you're not around, you know," she began quietly, barely above a whisper. "Since practically the first day she met you, you are pretty much all she talks about if it's not sports or her job." She sighed, finished the coffee as she thought back on the past few years. "She's changed because of you. She dresses better. She eats better. She seems happier. She laughs more." The older woman sighed, releasing something within herself that she had been holding back, holding on to. Though not tangible, it was still obvious that, whatever it was, was leaving her.

"Truth is, you're under each other's protection and have been for a long time. Frank was right," she was staring at her empty coffee cup and talking more aloud to herself than to the women across from her. "I just… wanted her life to have one easy thing in it. Just one thing that didn't hurt her for her to have it." She looked up into the hazel eyes watching her. "But I guess that _is_ you, isn't it?"

Maura watched the extraordinary happen, and accepted it with graciousness, not calling attention to it. Instead she turned towards Jane and stroked the backs of her flawlessly manicured fingers down the side of her lover's face. "I'll be the easy thing," she promised them both. "I'm never going to hurt you, baby. I love everything about you." Then she turned toward Angela. "Including you. You and Frank had the biggest part in making Jane this amazing, breathtaking person that I adore so much. Thank you for being strong enough for a daughter like her."

Angela let a chuckle escape. "Don't kid yourself, sweetie. Jane had me in tears more times than I can count." She shook her head, a smile playing on her tired features.

"Like you didn't have me pounding walls all the time?" Jane shot back, but there was a playfulness in the undertone of her comment. _I only punched that wall because I missed Frankie. He's always been able to run like hell._

"Well, we always thought about expanding that room anyway. The hole in the wall was just a good start." Angela gave a small shrug, lifting her eyebrows in an 'I don't know' motion. "You know, we probably should fix that hole instead of just hanging a picture of your Uncle Guy over it."

"Is that the picture that's..." Maura began, holding out her hand (the one not holding Jane's) in a 'this high' gesture about three and a half feet from the ground.

Jane nodded in the affirmative. "After 16 years, I was starting to get attached to that picture of Uncle Guy being waist high on the wall. You sure you want to fix the hole? I mean, at this point, it's a home fashion statement, isn't it?" The tension in her body was slowly subsiding.

"You might be right," her mother pursed her lips in mock thought, "Besides, if I have your father fix the wall now, we'll have to repaint the whole thing. I'm pretty sure there's a light spot under the frame by now where the paint hasn't faded." She scrunched her nose up in mock disgust. "Better just leave it how it is. I think I'm attached to it just the way it is anyway."

 _They're really talking about home decor right now?_ Maura thought as her expression took on an air of wonder. _Well, I suppose they need to change the subject. It was getting a little tense. I just wish I could figure out what the conversational cue was. How did they both know to do this?_

"Even though we never managed to put it where you wanted it?" _Thank you, God. If you're listening, thank you for this._ Jane's eyes were twinkling now. There was clearly a different conversation going on here than what they were actually saying.

"Yeah," Angela shrugged again, "you get used to things after a while. Before you know it, you love it just how it is, no matter how weird everyone else thinks it is."

Looking from mother to daughter, Maura realized that she was no longer mystified. _The thing that Jane does, this is where she gets it. **Oh.** I wonder if just anyone is allowed to play._ "Sort of like the way Jane dresses," she added tentatively, more a question than a statement.

This time, Angela gave a genuine smile, her face lighting up. "Maura, you have no idea."

"Hey! Really?" Jane looked from her mother to her girlfriend. "Maur, really? I can't believe you're dissing my clothes… _again._ Man, you bought this shirt for me, and I…wait a minute." She narrowed her eyes. "You two are ganging up on me? Right now? Just a couple of minutes ago, Ma was about to disown me because of you," she looked at Maura, "and now you two are ganging up on me? Man, what the crap?"

"Watch your mouth when you're talking to your Mother," Angela said in what sounded like an automatic correction.

Maura suppressed giggles, but only for a few seconds. When she was finished with her little fit, she pulled herself right up close to Jane for a quick kiss before confiding quietly, but pitched so that Angela could hear her, "I love the way you dress."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next title in this series is "A Little Family".


End file.
